I’ve been reading about writing and the importance of writing at the time the feeling that you are currently experiencing is at its most felt.
At any other time I have basically shied away from my blog because I do not feel very secure when strong feelings come flooding out of me.
But like the sage I read today, and the others who’ve said the same things through the years, writing is hard because only the brave can put their feelings out there like good writers do.
I’m feeling depressed today. It is not a new feeling; I admit, I struggle with depression and I have for years. It comes at the most inconvenient times and I have to work around it. Like I had to today.
My bee in the bonnet was to do with the job. In addition to all the BS that the job market keeps throwing out, lots of other maggots find a way to slither out of wherever they hide and make a bad day even worse.
So my supervisor called and said I could pick up more hours. Then as my shift ended, she called and said, “oh, change of plans, you should go home.”
That might sound like a small thing but when you’re having a bad day, you do not want to be yanked around like that. So I just went into this funk. Knowing that taking it home with me was going to mess up my home environment made it even worse.
The reason I am even saying it is because I want to believe there even a remote chance that this could be therapeutic for me. Writing used to be therapeutic. I used to create worlds and live in them when I was a child. I used to write and feel safe.
Of course I didn’t know it then but the way I’ve been feeling terrible for the last five or six years since I stopped blogging, I know my younger self was onto something back then.
So I started using this Google Docs feature that allows me to dictate my thoughts and then edit them into coherence. I am liking it.
My dad wrote diaries for years and it seems to have kept him sane. I am going to do the same thing and hopefully keep it together.