Scratch that

If you’ve read The Concubine you will agree that Amadi  cheated us. Many read it while they were still young and they still believed in endless love and happily-ever-after. So to go and twist a beautiful story full of the promise of the greatest happily-ever-after was downright rude.

 

So what did Double-O Seven do?

 

We go back to that point when the Sea King decided to take out this insolent earthling, warrabout! The monster is there rearing its ugly head and rolling its bulbous eyes, trying to impress some unknown entity.

 

New Hero: Hey, HEY! Now look here you limp excuse for a boogeyman, even that little girl sitting over there playing with Barbie would laugh at you, listen good; the chick’s chosen and her choice is not you, so get back in your box.

 

Sea King: Vroo, I mean VROOOOOO!

 

New Hero: Now you are trying to be Ragga Dee? That’s low, even for you, mate.

 

Sea King: I can’t believe it. No human has ever tried to even think of facing me and you, little, ugly …thing, you are there arguing with me?

 

New Hero: I can do more…(reaching up, standing on his toes and pinching Sea King’s ear).

 

Sea King: Awww! That’s not fair. That’s nowhere in the script. Director, cut. I have to go to the bathroom.

 

New Hero: Don’t change the subject. No one will feel sorry for you. I have been hearing things, I believe they were inspired by palm wine or something, that you are tying on that Ihuoma chick? In fact, that are tying yourself on her. Don’t you ever listen to DC?

 

Sea King: DC?

 

New Hero: Destiny’s Child. a chick group that became famous for singing songs that said told the world that they were a frustrated trio that enjoyed sour-graping. I mean, have you heard Survivor?

 

Sea King: Dude, Survivor‘s so 1990s. You are so…retro.

 

New Hero: Your mama.

 

Sea King: VROOOOOOOO and also ROARRRRRRRR!

 

New Hero: Um….right. As I was saying, I said to myself, “Surely that joker can’t be holding the world hostage, mbu refusing to let go of a chick who doesn’t even like you.”

 

Sea King: YOU WILL NOT REFER TO HER IN THOSE TERMS! She is a Goddess.

 

New Hero: I heard that two dudes have already died because you pulled some freak accidents. Who could have thought that you have any imagination in that mop of snakes?

 

Director: Cut. This production is just too boring. CUT, CUT, CUT. I said this has to end. Hey you Sea Devil or whatever you want to be called, whatever gets you off, this is not a shrink’s couch. Stop crying here. If you want to pull those stunts, just go find that Ihuoma chick. I hear she has weird taste in men.Maybe she can handle you.

 

New Hero: Director, I suggest we get Rasta Rob, I mean Master Rob . He’s a good actor and I hear he got tired of kyeyo. He’s a good actor and I hear he got tired of kyeyo.

 

 

 

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About Steven

It wasn't me; arrest the voices. It was the voices in my head. Sike! I am Ugandan first. I care for development in my country. I am a curious observer second and I care to know what you think.
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10 Responses to Scratch that

  1. Minty says:

    Ah! *sits back and chomps on popcorn’ I kine this version better. Don’t cut pliiiiz.

  2. Carlo says:

    I was going to say something about not remembering that part in Concubine but then I felt blonde and now I just shot myself in the foot. Ah well . . .

  3. Miss Cheri says:

    Lol…”Your mama”

  4. chanelno5 says:

    I read the book but dont remember anything that comes close to this script. Director rewrite

  5. Miss Cheri says:

    Guys, he just wrote his own script.

  6. antipop says:

    so here’s what i have deduced from this post…
    1. that it is funny
    2. that New Hero is australian

  7. antipop says:

    oh yea. and that yo mama line, just classic!

  8. chanelno5 says:

    I gues I am a blondie then

  9. kobayashi says:

    Books like The Concubine made me flunk literature. Too complex for my mind. Blondie number 2

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