1. Abhor deodorants even when the whole world knows you can afford to buy one. For crying out loud, they still sell those Gift of Zanzibar things, don’t they? But that’s just the point. Be a badass.
2. Wait for the passengers to get into the car and drive off for like a hundred meters then say “Lukumi, Nakawa.” This at Kireka, a distance that would cost one like UgSh300 on a normal day. But this is no normal day, hombre.
3. When the smart chick in back says “mumaas’awo” just step on it and stop a hundred meters from the spot. She will have to get another taxi back, the spoilt, beautiful, unavailable hag. (All this is inside your head, otherwise, people will think you are just jealous, a big baby).
4. When the dude sitting next to you starts bumping to the beat on the funky Jay Z joint, change the station to CBS. Watch him grow dark blue with anger then tell him to buy his own car where he can listen to people talking and they want to make the world believe that they are singing. Twakowa.
5. Leave banana peels on the seats.
6. Leave the seats wet on Sunday when the people get to put their Sunday Bests to go to KPC. They should be going to pray, not to show off their lousy, expensive threads.
7. Give the car to your randy friend and don’t check it after. You never know, he might have left the evidence of his hanky-panky in the back seat and that will just tick off the matron who thinks she can change the world with her lectures.
8. Drive like a demon when you realise some chick is travelling with her grand-ma from Bugerere and the said granny has probably never been inside a matatu. Show her where Statham learnt his tricks.


About Steven

It wasn't me; arrest the voices. It was the voices in my head. Sike! I am Ugandan first. I care for development in my country. I am a curious observer second and I care to know what you think.
This entry was posted in This is Why. Bookmark the permalink.


  1. Iwaya says:

    okay, this is unique. from the taxi driver’s perspective!

  2. The 27th Comrade says:

    Funny thing, this.
    And weird new theme.
    And that bit about the grandma … I thought it was only Hajj Sula (Entebbe-Kampala route) who did that crap!

  3. minty says:

    I like it at once. The Taxi Driver’s Creed.

  4. Pingback: my blog

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