Splinters

The people interviewed on UBC’s The Beat, one gets the feeling they are being forced to say the things they say. Maybe they are. They keep on stealing glances at someone just off the camera; like that person is holding a big stick and waving it threateningly. After all, they can’t be going like, “Wassup my peeps in Kawaala. And my rastas, I and I bless and we be hanging with NTV…”

After all these months, Tindatiine (the song and the chick) is still a hit. She still gets called to perform at Bivvulu. Riding on one hit. People like this, Peter Andre and Tindatiine. It’s not fair.

You know that feeling when you are about to meet the girl on the Sunday radio show. Remember those days when Christine Mawadri was unseen and she was just everyone’s dream girl? Look what happened when she decided to start being up in our faces.

I heard on the grapevine that Bobi Wine has been clamped down for two years for daring to write a song that’s overly critical of the establishment. Ati Ghetto got him in trouble for its stinging attack on the powers that be. Well, he can always come to my village. We’ve been looking for a bard for a long time. He’ll always be welcome.

How can Stanbic Bank lose close to 2bn shillings in less than 6 months? Is it like the punching bag, the whipping boy of Ugandan banks? I mean, they go and lose 500,000 (for those outside Uganda and who might think our money is too much, don’t be fooled by the figures) and then just yesterday, 1bn! And at 6pm when there is a serious jam in the town. Means the heist was planned well, factoring in the jam, considering they were not caught.

I think I know why kids these days are mixed up and don’t refer me to The Sunscreen. They are watching bad TV shows and playing crazy vid games. Where have Tintin, Captain Cradock, Asterix and Obelix gone? I imagine kids have to make decisions about red and blue pills. And they always swallow the red ones. The Matrix is real, my friend.

Some writer for the Wall Street Journal, with a serious case of constipation wrote that blogging is stupid and useless. Mbu all bloggers do is ride on the information of the MSM (read that in that article) or Main Stream Media. Well, whatever. Get a life.

Halliburton, that oil and construction company is recruiting East Africans to go work in its hot areas. It is being said that Iraq is the most prominent. American professionals are increasingly losing the urge to go. Even the money won’t convince them anymore. So what does that say about the Kenyans and Ugandans who are going regardless of all the scary stories? They have already said they don’t care, at least here in Ug. The poverty here might kill them but it will take too long and that means a lot of suffering. Going to Iraq to guard might mean death but at least it’ll be quick. Besides, they might survive it all and come back with a fortune.

Since Blogger can control our stuff, I keep on wondering when they’ll get tired of waiting for the rest of us to get on Beta. I have read many complaints of people saying the new form is the pits. How do you take on Blogger. I’m all ears.

Like, can you remember a time when there was no war in the Middle East? Seriously?

So Shane Warne has called it quits, big deal. I tried to spin like him back in school and failed. And I survived. My most entertaining spinners are very slow. And their balls twist even more beautifully before they hit the stumps. Get some rest Shane.

And yes, there are Ugandans who say “thouthand.” It’s so painful.

Bebe Cool could make a great president, don’t you think? With that Nameless guy as his Veep.

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About Steven

It wasn't me; arrest the voices. It was the voices in my head. Sike! I am Ugandan first. I care for development in my country. I am a curious observer second and I care to know what you think.
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17 Responses to Splinters

  1. Kenyanchick says:

    I’m loving the random thoughts!

    But you didn’t answer, didn’t explain: why do some Ugandans say “thouthand?” WHY?

  2. Kenyanchick says:

    Oh and uh, heh heh, firsties.

    I’m loving this.

  3. Iwaya says:

    jesus! what are they putting in your lunch over there at your new job?? i read each and every one of your splinters and i was like, that is what i wanted to say! uh, yes, that too! i think i’m gonna grab me a taxi and come over and see u, or maybe that will be at the bloggers happy hour meet? are you going to be there?

  4. The 27th Comrade says:

    Didn’t you know that `Middle East’ is the other way to spell `War’?

    It’s just their curse, poor bugger. See Maps of War.

  5. Cheri says:

    KC, u only score firsties bse u’re in a different time zone. Nairobi is like 1hr b4 us.

    I know that didn’t make sense.

    Middle east has been at war since forever. the other day I was at that market in Middle east Bugos and some boda guy wrestled a cab guy. Real war!

    Peter Andre??? The “mysterious gal” guy. Jesus. Is he still riding on the success of that song? Yesu wange.

  6. baz says:

    Bobi Wine sang a song with the lyrics: Woman powerful, but man is superior
    Woman expert, man is a senior
    Woman talented, but man is a genius
    Woman precious, but man is glorious,
    Woman fight, but man is victorious
    Woman is there, but man was there
    That’s why woman is queen and man is a king.

    No one complained about such abhorrent chuavanism. Nsaba where?

    Showbiz interviews you know how they are, LA. For the most part it isn’t about looking for answers to questions, it is about fishing for soundbites, feeding the subject cues to say the typical star statements. With few exceptions (Serugo, Tumusiime and such) no one really practices journalism on entertainers.

    Speaking of Tumusiime (yeah, it is a long comment. It was a long post) He told me this great story about Tindatiine. Apparently people are minting dime by advertising that she will be performing at their bufunda and biwempe. No one in the boondocks knows what she looks like so whoever they bring on to mime, that works.

    President Cool? and your balls were what?

  7. Lovely Amphibian says:

    @baz: swinging. its a cricket term. when the bowler delivers, the ball is acted upon by the wind and it “swings.” but then again, it could mean anything.

  8. Cheri says:

    Then they say the ball is in yo court…. or the balls are in yo court! Balls can’t enter the court!

    Oba they can?

  9. baz says:

    I am giggling like Beavis and Butthead right now. Stop it you guys. You’re killing me.

  10. ish says:

    Baz; obba which song is that?

    and about the Ugandan and Kenyan security guards in Iraq, I just hope we don’t end up with the international reputation of Nigerians. Everyone knows (or thinks) that those guys will do anything for a dime.

  11. Lovely Amphibian says:

    @cherie: u r a real piece of art. Ati boda guy fights cab guy. u remind me of one of the only true geniuses i have met in my long time on earth. He’s called Brian Magoba. he is a dancer, a writer, an engineer…heck, he can be anything you ask him to be. wouldnt be surprised if you said you are related.you sound just like him.

  12. baz says:

    Inkygoddess, the song is called Adamu Ne Kaawa. They complain about Eminem, but not about this, and yet this guy is SERIOUS. He really believes this stuff.

    If LA allows me to, I could put up the whole song. He brought the lyrics to the office. You will throw up.

    Should I, LA? The ball’s in your cou… okay. I’ve stopped.

  13. Lovely Amphibian says:

    ball? ball? wait a minute; this ball obsession is going way out of hand. pray please share, baz.

  14. Pea says:

    Hahaha! Eh, I don’t even know where to start with my comment. I love the randomness in this entry! 95% of my Ugandan relaz aged above 30 say “Thouthand”.. and those who don’t, say “Southand”… kinda like “Southern”…

    Balls, simanyi… Goddess of Sorts, I will confirm here and now that (a very worrying number of) Kenyans have been known to do random stuff for money

  15. baz says:

    Prepare to be appalled:

    Intro: So it was written, so it must be done
    Woman if you don’t believe in male superiority
    Then you don’t believe in God, you know?
    Remember, man fi king and woman fi queen
    Bobi wine again. Don’t get too scared
    Tony Houls and wash a run tings.
    Come on, Nubian

    Ebintu ebimu munsi muno
    Biri bwebityo kubanga byalina okuba bityo
    Mukama yamanyi kubanga yeyagereka
    Buli kimu okubeera bwekityo
    Ng’omusajja ye mwami, n’omukazi yemukyala
    Buli omu namuwa omulimugwe
    Omwami afuge n’omukyala agondere
    Ekitibwa ky’omukyala kwe kubeera ne bbawe
    Gwayagala era gwagondera
    Amaka olwo gagume, no’bufumbo bunyume
    Ne Katonda kimuwa okusanyuka
    Ekyo kyaava ku bajjajja baffe Adam ne Kaawa
    Kuba mu Adam mwemwaava kaawa
    Katino bwe kiri kubanga bwekyali era bwekiriba bwekityo

    Kiri mubutonde era nga kimanyiddwa
    Nti omusajja mu maka yaabeera foundation
    Omukazi bwaba ng’agondera bba
    Nga amuwulira that is a good combination
    Nebwobera wasoma omwenkana otya
    Mukutebenkeza amaka toleeta education
    Education eyamba bweru w’amaka
    Naye mu maka eleeta confusion
    Nebwoba ne sente ezzijjuza tipper
    Wadde bbawo talina era ye attraction
    Nebwobeera ng’ofuuse doctor oba lawyer
    Woman you know you need a little submission

    Nebwoba n’ebitiibwa, ebitiibwa n’ebitiibwa
    Ng’omwami tolina tebikola
    Osanidde omanye nti kyebayita ekitiibwa
    Okifuna kwoyo gwewafumbirwa
    Nebwoba ng’omusajja yeggwe wamuwasa
    Nga wadde n’enyumba gwe ojisasula
    Olwokuba nga ye mwami ate nga gwe mukyala
    Elinya lye era lyerikola
    Omukyala nebwoba ng’olina ebyenkana bitya
    Era osaanako support oba defence
    Omwami ye support era ye defence
    Mukama yeyakikola kityo
    Ekyo kyava ku bajjajja baffe Adam ne Kaawa
    Katino bwekiri kubanga bwekyali
    Era bwekiriba bwekityo

    So you better know that we lord had a plan
    Why fi put a difference between man and woman
    That’s why he made man head of the house
    And put a women there fi bear children
    Check in a Bible man is made
    In the image of God and woman in a man’s image
    That’s whe we have to make the world know
    That if a woman meet a man she have fi give respect

    Remember woman beautiful, but man is a warrior
    Woman powerful, but man is superior
    Woman expert, man is a senior
    Woman talented, but man is a genius
    Woman precious, but man is glorious,
    Woman fight, but man is victorious
    Woman is there, but man was there
    That’s why woman is queen and man is a king

    Repeat first verse

    Interlude

    Ya man, remember that always
    Coz everything has a reason
    Say, man fi be a man and woman fi be a man too? No.
    We father can’t be a fool, y’know
    Woman fi obey and man fi lead
    Ya man, That’s what I mean.

  16. Lovely Amphibian says:

    phew!

  17. Goddess says:

    must’ve been inspired by our former V.P.’s domestic… quarrels?? tiffs?? smack-down??

This is my view. What do you think?

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