To be a man. Its not rocket science but it seems the jury is still out on the issue. Because the people charged with adjudicating on whether we are doing the job right seem to trip over their judgments. What does one do before they can be judged to be a real man?
There is a lot you can do but if it doesn’t sound right in a female’s ears, you are wasting your time bro. Sometimes, sacrifice is not sacrifice in the eyes of other people. You can split open your rear end trying to impress the world but what matters is that you impress the right people.
Stephen Covey gives a vivid picture about paradigm change in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Here’s this father on a bus and his kids are raising up a racket and their dad seems oblivious to what they are getting up to. He’s staring out of the window while the rest of the passengers suffer at the hands of his brood. When one of them can’t stand it any more, he asks the father if he can’t do anything about his pesky kids. The guy is very sorry and almost profusely explains that his kids don’t behave this way normally but today, they are especially strange because they just lost their mom. Immediately, the reader sees the difference in the attitude of the other passengers. Suddenly, every one wants to let the kids tear off the roof of the bus if they want to Paradigm change.
Maybe the world will stop judging males by the standards set by old people. Maybe women will get with the program and accept that because of the rapid changes that are happening even now, they should stop expecting that everything will come to them as easily as it does in a Barbara Cartland book. Tall dark and handsome men are credible. They are myriad in the north of Uganda (anyone for tall dark and handsome? They are not made in the Maasai Maraa only). But the equation is spoilt when the tall dark and handsome man is expected to have blue eyes. That’s where the line should be drawn.
The female a man hooks up with could expose new warts everyday. She could be a new book every time he turns his head and it is very easy to take his eyes off the important thing and look at the tempestuous waters.
But it is the measure of a man the way he accepts this challenge and goes about living with it or changing it. It is more than just a case of she-squeezes-the-toothpaste-in-the-middle. It could be about bigger things like “who was that on the phone?” The man who chooses the lonely road must go into it with a fresh mind.
It is about realising that he is not He-Man and that no matter how strong he thinks he is, he still needs help. Because there are things he just can’t figure out on his own. It’s about accepting the faults of the other person and realizing that he is as human as the other person is and that he probably has worse warts. The other person is just doing a better job tolerating him. He must have a new paradigm or he will listen to the unsure jibes of all his peeps and his step will falter.