Over the years, after touring the world of literature, you realise that its easy to just close your eyes and see a completely different world. That’s the beauty of reading; the little boy with no brothers, the pretty little girl who’s daddy is always absent, the intern doctor who is dog-tired but cant find sleep…These all can turn the pages of some nondescript book and find their home. The different worlds in books have their own heroes, guys we’d all want to be like when we grow up.
Of course, here I mean Michael and his dad. There is no one as cool as Michael Coleone as the avenging angel. Pacino is superb in those Godfather flicks and for that reason, I want to be like the Coleones. Reading the book gives you the edge over the actors you see on screen. What they are portrayed as able to do you can do a thousand times better.
Now that is a chick to die for (no pun intended). Imagine the fire she set off in that Nigerian village when the dudes discovered that for all her fairness, no one could get her! Back in school, while studying lit, everyone’s eyes glazed over when the teacher tried to put into a Ugandan context that woman’s beauty. Now that I have Jesus, I know that her crazy husband-god would not have the balls to try that shit on me. I’m not Ekueme.
Just Shakes. The guy is a scoring machine. Why can’t the strikers in the Uganda Cranes emulate him. Even if they can’t be as cool as he is, at least they can try to copy some of those shots he’s always taking at the end of the book. The rest of his team mates are just followers. Maybe if I had to take second best, I would go with the Dancing Rasta.
That he was dreamt up by Jackie Collins is not a problem. After all, I actually thought she was a good writer at some point in my life. Of course, there is a time in life when reading a book that resembles a porn movie script is considered very essential. But Mr. Python is a character written with thought. I wanted to be that dude so I could get myself an Angel Hudson too. That’s actually the only reason I liked him; against all odds, he got the bestest chick of them all.
Sonchai in Bangkok 8
Sonchai. Thai monk that’s also the coolest detective in town. Plus he’s not on the take. He is the kind of cop I would dream of being. It’s a dog’s life being a cop in Ug, apart from the life of a traffic cop, of course. But this cop is the best. Bangkok 8 was written by a guy who must have had a vision of Kampala before he sat down to write. This detective was to be seen zooming in and out of the busy traffic on a boda boda. The city has dirty cops, dirty politicians and dirty entertainment. Is that Kampala or is that Kampala!
Gaius Julius Caesar
The first book in the Emperor series is seriously not all that. It is too academic for me. It tries too strongly to tell a story that has no credible sources around anymore and the end result is that it sounds hollow. But Gaius is a real star. From early childhood, a time when his side kick Marcus Brutus tries to steal his thunder, Caesar rides the wave expertly and comes up as victor.
Okay, I want to be this guy just because of the way he kicks bottoms. Jack Ryan is what James Bond should have been. The world laughed at this attempt by America to reply to the British super spy but I’m not laughing with those guys. I think Ryan is cool…just that.
All those under rated heroes in books I have read and forgotten. All regular Joe heroes who live on the pages of books such as Man and Boy and The Dark Half… you all rock!